The article no magazine will ever publish.

Magazines occasionally stress me out. Like, I love them. I devour them. But as someone who wants to spend my life making them, I feel like I need to savor every last morsel of Harper's Bazaar and Elle, gleaning from each page what I enjoy and what I hope to imitate in my own writing and wardrobe. I buy them in bulk at the drugstore, sit down with a steaming mug of wild cherry green tea and read them cover to cover, dog-earing pages to denote looks I want to copy or references I want to check. No halfhearted treadmill skimming for me: where a normal person might flick lazily through an editorial, I am studying the fine print names of stylists and photographers, testing myself to see if I recognize designer pieces from their respective runways. I attack magazines with the same fervor my more literary fellow English majors attack Joyce and Tolstoy. So it seems only fitting that I have, as a result, acquired a similar level of surface expertise.

There's a fairly wide smorgasbord of magazines out there, enough to target a fairly wide audience of potential readers. To read them all would be time-consuming and costly. Apart from an element of style, what do you look for in your magazine experience? Celebrity culture? Current events? As the end of the calendar year (and likely end of your subscription) draws near, consider the menu of options hovering at the forefront of the industry: the good reads and the guilty pleasures. Which publication was made for you?

If you want to draw inspiration from impeccable photo spreads full of things you will never be able to afford: Vogue. There's a reason this magazine is often cited as #1. Aesthetically, Vogue is virtually flawless. Creatively, it's also the most forward-thinking; the number of designers, models, and photographers discovered and nurtured by Vogue is astounding (chicken or egg: did Vogue pick up on their raw talent, or did we decide they must be talented because Vogue thought so?). However, being on top comes with a flip side: in this case, a snootiness that makes Vogue a bit inaccessible to anyone who isn't a) extremely knowledgeable about fashion or b) rolling in the Benjamins. Steel yourself to see a $400 top described as "a steal." This is a place to gather ideas, not to compile a shopping list.

If you want to literally see something in a magazine, then go buy it: Lucky. Pretty much the opposite of Vogue. Not a ton of high fashion happening here, but if you want to save yourself the energy of synthesizing runway trends and just see a well-executed take on what you might actually be able to add to your wardrobe, this is the mag for you. Perfect for those who like to look current but aren't particularly interested in devoting a lot of time to personal style. Lucky is an easy read full of great deals, with a well-developed online sector positively overflowing with coupons and giveaways.

If you want to read articles that will make you think about fashion in a whole new way: Harper's Bazaar. Provocative, sweeping, sophisticated yet tongue-in-cheek. Think Vogue with a bit more irony. Similarly focused on couture but with arguably more attention paid to written content, Harper's Bazaar is Vogue's biggest rival (and wins my prize for number of covetous gasps elicited per issue). Not the best choice to flip through while waiting to get your hair cut; Bazaar's wit demands a focus from its readers that may or may not be your cup of tea.

If you want to feed your intellect at the same time you indulge your materialistic side: Elle. One thing's for sure: Elle is not afraid of words. If you're into fashion, but just as into literature and the state of your soul, Elle is a savvier take on the classic women's magazine. Don your most geek-chic pair of glasses and spend an afternoon poring over it in a coffee shop, but don't try and take it on the treadmill. Check out one of my favorite articles from the last issue here.

If you want to put your consumerism in the context of what's happening in the world: Vanity Fair. Best summed up by its own Google summary: "From world affairs to entertainment, business to fashion, crime to society, Vanity Fair is a cultural catalyst that drives the popular dialogue globally." So there you go. Issues! Politics! You may like fashion, but you're not shallow! You're informed! Go forth and prosper, Michelle Obamas of the world!

If you want to see how the other half lives: InStyle. InStyle has a not-entirely-deserved reputation as being geared toward more mature readers. This stigma aside (and really, I love InStyle and think it has plenty to say that is relevant to us young ones), their big thing is celebrity culture - not in a trashy US Weekly kind of way, but more in the vein of red carpet coverage and celebrity home tours. For the fashionista who is enthralled by famous faces, InStyle is a cocktail of sartorial splendor and superstars.

If clothes are fine...but really you're all about the make-up: Allure. Speaks for itself.

If clothes are fine...but really you're all about the men: Cosmopolitan. Also speaks for itself. Find out how to please him. Many times over.

If you don't take life (or fashion) too seriously: Glamour. The perfect potpourri of fashion finds, empowering tidbits, heartwarming stories and boy advice. Reading Glamour is like having a conversation with your "rah-rah, girl power!" best friend. Funny. Satisfying. Glamour might be a Jack of all trades and a master of none, but it's a pretty damn good Jack.

There are several more that I feel unfit to judge due to lack of experience (W, Nylon, and Marie Claire spring to mind). Any thoughts, peanut gallery?

So there you have it. Be picky with your readership, but remember that each publication requires an intense amount of manpower and creativity to come to fruition each month. Let's give all those magazine-makers out there a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Real life versus reel life: The insider scoop.

So let me preface this by saying: I have the best internship ever. Ever. I spend two days a week at a prominent fashion/lifestyle magazine in Chicago, and I couldn’t be more obsessed. “Oh, Emma, I’m so sorry,” they say, “We have another celebrity interview for you to transcribe today. Also, can you help staff a gala at the Museum of Contemporary Art Thursday night?” Sorry? You’re sorry? One man’s bitch work is another man’s jackpot. I’m sure I won’t always be this wide-eyed, but for now it’s all I could ask for. They even let me write stories for the mag (my first full-pager comes out next month). It might technically be an unpaid internship, but when you’re an aspiring freelance writer, published clips are your currency.

But how does life in the magazine industry stack up against one of my favorite fashion movies, The Devil Wears Prada? While our editor-in-chief is blonde and bubbly and so not Miranda Priestley (I’ve totally ridden the elevator with her before), not all onscreen portrayals are mythical. Here’s the juice on a few of the perks and perils of working on the other side of the printing press.

"Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking." Have you worn a backless leotard or shiny magenta leggings to work lately? True to form, fashion risks are encouraged here: the general aesthetic is casual but put-together. Concocting a worthy ensemble may be more time-consuming than shimmying into a blazer and a pressed white blouse (or skinny jeans and a North Face, for that matter), but I relish the excuse to experiment. So does my disproportionately large collection of stiletto heels.

"You do know that cellulite is one of the main ingredients in corn chowder." Here’s why people in fashion are so skinny: they’re embarrassed to eat in front of each other. Even an intern at a Midwest regional publication is not immune to caloric scrutiny. I was diving into a bag of cheddar-and-caramel popcorn for energy after a virtual all-nighter when a charmingly snarky editor from the men’s department passed behind me and muttered “Well that’s a healthy breakfast!” Wow. Wow. And I usually bring apples and yogurt, too. I half-expected him to start calling me “Six.”

"You are in desperate need of Chanel." While we don’t have a Runway-style fashion closet, freebies do pop up every now and then. I’ve snagged a couple of beauty products and a pair of designer socks just by being in the right place at the right time (and seen some stunning Neiman Marcus samples pass by on the racks).

"I have Patrick!" Celebrity encounters: inevitable. I didn’t think I could top the day Clinton Kelly (of What Not To Wear) gestured at my outfit and howled “What is this? I love this!” at Northwestern’s Homecoming parade my freshman year. Then Michael Kors told me I looked chic. I’m pretty sure the existence of this blog was just legitimized.

"I’m sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some hideous skirt convention you have to go to?" Camaraderie among the interns is significantly higher than that of personal assistants Andrea and Emily. The girl who shares my station is almost too polite. She asks for my permission every time she wants to use the phone. Um, yes? Actually, maybe I only think there’s camaraderie because I’m the Emily. Whoops.

"Please bore someone else with your questions." Complete and utter falsehood. My boss actually asks me if I want Starbucks when she runs out. I would be naïve to believe that I’ll always be working under such supportive people, but I’m going to go ahead and enjoy my good luck for now. I might sort editorial mail, but I’m not chasing down unpublished Twilight manuscripts.

"A million girls would kill for this job." Okay, okay. I don’t get paid. But I do get to write for one of the largest city audiences in the country. Probably the harshest reality of writing for a magazine is the vicious editing that goes on between the drafts I send in and the published products: one of my articles was so drastically altered, I was shocked I still had a byline. When you write for a blog, it’s all you. When you write for a magazine, it’s all them. The final product usually still turns out to be quality - maybe better than what you had in the first place - but it can be frustrating to watch your voice disappear.

Anyway. If there’s one thing this internship has confirmed, it’s that I appear to be on the right track. This is just the beginning of what I hope will be a long and colorful career in this (supposedly dying?) industry. Will working for a national magazine be closer to what we see in theaters? Only time will tell.